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Flower Power?

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The endless loop-de-loop of crazy has finally reached its apogee; soon Glenn Beck may spawn the next generation of hippies, if only his followers (and sadly, their talk radio interlocutors) weren’t so slow on the uptake.  Although I was painting and couldn’t take adequate notes, a cracker caller mansplained to Ed Schultz on his radio show today why the Second Amendment, crafted in the 18th century to regulate that era’s primitive arms in a frontier country, somehow meant he personally had a right to his own Predator drone fleet and perhaps a nuke or two.  Because of Jesus. (I paraphrase, but am not making any of this up, except the caller’s name, natch):

GOMER FROM SC: The seccint amendment  means ah have the God-given raht to have whatever weapon the gummint might have when it comes to mah door.

ED SCHULTZ: Really?  Okay, let’s say you and I are the Founders here, how would we handle this?

GOMER FROM SC: We’d have t’ agree t’ disagree.

Well, evidently.  This was one of those infuriating moments when Ed, bless his heart, utterly blew it.   Granted, a commercial break was imminent, but occasionally when someone says something this arrestingly stupid, Ed will hold them over, and presumably set his producers to preemptive googling, to chat some more with the cuckoo person, after we hear a bit about the virtues of Biogreenclean and that Madison weather is still horrible but traffic continues to be nonexistent.  (Dang, I miss KPOJ…)

This was a missed opportunity on so many levels.  First, that the new militia movement has leapt upon the disastrous and constitutionally suspect 2008 Supreme Court decision, District of Columbia v. Heller, which first found an individual right to bear arms, to assume that it now entitles ordinary (white, male, and Confederate-minded, that is) Americans the right to have, heck, ICBM’s, in a pinch.  ‘Cause it’s in the Bible.  Second, that it would be unduly flattering to call such thinking delusional.  While it is possible to spend the proceeds, albeit unwisely, of one’s tax refund or settlement check on a really butch gun to ward off the jackbooted (liberal, union, black, UN, gummint, ACORN, Mooslim, or some nefarious combination thereof) thugs, it’s pretty unlikely that even anything the old lady’s granny someday leaves you will be enough to buy your own bunker-buster, for when the Obama drones come a’ calling.

If God is really on your side in this struggle, He evidently has a funny way of showing it, or an especially wicked sense of humor.  If only Ed were a real hippie rather than such a recent convert, or perhaps hadn’t taken one too many rough tackles playing football, he might have seized on a delicious irony:  the very same wingnuts who have cheered every military expenditure and adventure and glorified the mayhem they’ve created over the years have eagerly rendered themselves so laughably overmatched as to make Wile E. Coyote look like Superman.

You see, all those years of war cheerleading, mostly championed by the Right, and the sacrosanct inviolability of our current obscene military spending, has led these, uh, patriots into something of a cul-de-sac, whether it be in a fancy new subdivision or a swampy, chassis-ridden trailer park.  Once you’ve built a military that not only outspends the whole planet, and also fetishized its “shoot first, ask questions later” culture, that military, lo and behold, turns out to be a rather potent arm of that big government you love to hate.  Who’d a thunk, Gomer?

Those hippies you so love punching; that’s who, Gomer.   If mocking these idiots is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

 

 

 

 


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